


Lonely Day

by SamerA_Jay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Multi, Out of Character, Self-Harm, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2018-09-30 10:58:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamerA_Jay/pseuds/SamerA_Jay
Summary: Over summer, Severus, Draco, and Harry have become friends. Then school starts again, and both boys are having trouble sleeping. They both go to Severus to ask for some potions, who grudgingly gives it to them. But then, Draco inadvertently finds out a little bit more about Harry. Finally, Harry opens up to his newest and seemingly only friend. One Shot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**A/N: This is a one-shot, when writing it, I did have the song 'Lonely Day' playing on repeat, and after the fact I realised the lyrics are related, but it's not really a song-fic. Let me know what you think, though! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter universe, if I did I would be rich. But I'm not, so I don't.**

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Draco sat up in bed, having tried to sleep for the last 8 hours, without success. He looked at his bedside table, to see angry red numbers stating that it was 4:03 am. He sighed heavily, and threw his sheets to the side. He got out of bed and walked into the bathroom joined to his bedroom. He didn’t turn on the light, however. He liked the darkness sometimes. He looked at himself in the mirror, thought he could not see much detail. He stared into his own blood-shot eyes, thinking to himself ‘Why must I suffer like this?’ He turned around and turned on the bath taps, preparing to take a nice, warm, soothing bath to ease his troubles away. Although he knew that was unlikely, it did help a bit. He went back into his bedroom, rummaged around in the top drawer next to his bed, and grabbed two items. 

He walked back into the bathroom, and transfigured some tissues into candles. He lit them with his wand and then used one of them to light a cigarette from the pack he had grabbed. He pulled out a long drag from it, letting his shoulders drop from his perfect stance. He leaned against the counter, one hand at the ready on his wand, the other lingering near his mouth. After he finished his cigarette, he turned off the taps, seeing that there was enough water in the tub. He flicked his cigarette into the sink, which had a small level of water in it and hooked his flannel pants by the waistband, pushed them down past his taunt thighs, round knees, tough calves, and finally, he toed out of his pants. He stepped into the tub, and sunk down, enjoying the soothing warmth of the water. He flicked his wand, and some oils poured out, leaving nice sandalwood and vanilla scents in its wake. He then lit another cigarette and sunk further down into the water.

He thought back to the previous week. He hadn’t been able to sleep for the last 3 nights. Each night had gone the same; laying down around 10 pm after finishing homework. Then, he would turn a bit for 2 hours, finally giving up, and walking out to the grounds to sit in the Quidditch stands for an hour or so to look at the moon and stars. He had been able to spot the constellation he was named after, since it was the middle of winter. Although, he never bothering putting on any more clothing, or even shoes. After all, he was the Ice Prince of Hogwarts. He would then make his way back to his rooms, and drink a glass of Firewhiskey. Although he liked the American Whiskey better, it was banned from Hogwarts since it was a Muggle drink. But some was better than none, he supposed. Afterwards, he would spend another 2 or so hours attempting to fall asleep again. He would give up around 4 am, and go take a bath. He would eventually start to fall asleep just as the water was cooling down, so he would dry himself off, and climb into bed, getting just enough sleep before having to be up at 7 am in order to be at breakfast at a decent time.

Tonight however, he had a feeling he wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep. As the water starting cooling down, and he had finished off his cigarettes, he decided he would go see his godfather. As he walked down the hall to his godfathers’ quarters, he sensed that there was another person present, which was very odd. He rose his fist to knock on the hidden door, but heard a noise from within. He tapped the necessary bricks to open the room, and made his way towards the noise. It was coming from the office, in the back. 

“Severus! Please! I NEED this! I can’t sleep! In the last week, I’ve gotten no sleep! Literally, no bloody sleep!” 

Draco recognized the voice right away as Harry Potter’s. Potter had obviously found his way into Snape’s office through the classroom. Draco was the only student who knew of the secret entrance. He made his way towards the door silently, wanting to hear his godfather’s reply.

“Harry, I can only give you one potion a week. You KNOW this! You need to talk to Albus or Minerva about your sleep problems. Or even Poppy! Even SHE would be willing to help you! We all know you have been through hell and back, but I can’t keep giving you potions!”

Something about what Snape had said bothered Draco, though. It wasn’t the fact that he had called Potter ‘Harry’, no, that he was used to by now. It was the fact that Harry hadn’t been sleep this week, either. Draco politely knocked to announce his arrival, pretending not to have heard anything. Snape knew that only one person would be knocking from the other side of the door, and didn’t even bother trying to hide his quarters from Harry.

“Hello Severus, Harry. Sev, I was wondering if you could do me a small favor.” Draco stated, pretending to know nothing.

However, the pleading look Harry gave Snape told Draco volumes. He didn’t need any more words, and simply took a seat upon the top of Snape’s desk. Snape left the room without a word to either boy, and returned shortly with two bottles of a cloudy blue, almost purple liquid. Both boys knew what it was and smiled gratefully to their Professor and started to part ways.

“You both know that I can’t keep doing this for you.” Both boys turned back, and nodded, once to him, then once to each other. They quickly gulped down their potions and returned the bottles to Severus. Harry left without another word, but Draco hung back. He waited until he heard the classroom door click closed, before taking a seat across from the desk. Severus sat down in his chair and conjured up two glasses of American Whiskey. Draco nodded in thanks, before speaking.

“I’m sorry Severus. I know that you can’t keep doing this for me. But, well, I’m not even sure why this is happening to me. I was surely surprised to hear that Harry is having the same problem as well, though. Honestly, I would have thought he slept like a baby.” Draco said.

“Draco, surely you know that Harry did not have a gifted childhood. He was raised by Muggles, you know.” Severus answered him.

“Yes, I was aware of that, Uncle.” Draco stated, using his pet name for his godfather. “However, I did not think it was that bad. I mean, surely his family knew who he was, but I would have thought that they would have nourished him, not beat him half to death every other night. It’s just not right.” Draco continued. Severus looked at him, looking into his eyes deeply before saying anything else.

“Draco, you must understand – it was similar to how your father   
raised you. They wanted him to be a Muggle. They thought he was a freak. They really, seriously thought that he was a freak. They tried to ‘beat sense into him’. I had been appointed to be his night-watcher by Sirius when they sent him away.” Draco looked at Severus in disbelief.

“Essentially, I was his temporary godfather for those 11 years while he was under the Dursley’s care. However, he was never allowed to know that I was watching him. If his aunt and uncle had found out, they would have surely murdered me, anyhow.” Severus continued.

“Wait, but weren’t you in love with Harry’s mother?” Draco questioned.

“Yes, that’s why I could never be found out. Lily and I grew up together, actually. That Petunia who calls herself Harry’s aunt would have been able to identify me right away. When the abuse started, I couldn’t help him. I was forced to sit there and watch. And every night, I could tell that Harry went to bed crying. It honestly broke my heart. As much as Harry looks like James, if I ever look at him directly, all I see is Lily. It killed me to sit by and watch.” Severus reminisced. ‘Bloody hell! And I thought I had it bad!’ Draco thought to himself.

“You did, Dragon.” Severus responded.

“Sev!” Draco hissed.

“Sorry. Old habits die hard,” was his only response.

Draco nodded in agreement, and pulled out another pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He knew that Severus was trying to stare him down for it, but he brushed it off. At least it was better than his Aunt Bellatrix’s addiction to Muggle drugs that Voldemort eagerly fed. Severus nodded, knowing, without intrusion, that was what Draco was thinking about.

“You had it bad too though, Dragon.” Severus started again, “It wasn’t easy for your mother and I to ignore your beatings either. I couldn’t take seeing your beating during the day, and then Harry’s at night. That truly killed me, you know.” He used his finger to steal one of Draco’s cigarettes, and then lit it with his finger as well. Draco took another sip of his drink before continuing the conversation.

“Look Uncle, I just don’t know why he has to keep it all bottled up inside. He’s going to explode like a bloody volcano one day!” Draco said in slight frustration, “I mean, I keep it inside, sure. But that’s how I was raised. But Harry…. Harry was raised by those stupid Muggles. Aren’t they always like, barbaric or something?”

Severus simply looked at Draco. He was actually slightly amused. Draco was being a bit hypocritical, but Severus dare not say anything to the Ice Prince of Slytherin. No matter how well he knew the boy.

“Look, just go talk to him yourself, okay?” Severus finished off his drink. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need some sleep. Unlike some people, I care about being to class ON TIME….” He trailed off.

Draco blushed slightly, knowing that his godfather was referring to an incident earlier that day. “Fine, go get your ‘beauty sleep’, uncle. You do need it, you know,” and Draco left before Severus could respond.

Draco went off to look for Harry, knowing exactly where to look. Draco and Harry had given each other passwords to their rooms in case they ever had any problems. Draco figured that Harry would be in his rooms, since Draco had an extensive collection of books, none of which Harry had ever had a chance to read. Draco opened the door to the study, to find Harry curled up on the couch, reading the Muggle play, ‘Hamlet’.

“Ah…. Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times….” Draco smoothly quoted from the play, his favourite monologue. Harry looked up, and smiled ever so slightly. But it was a tight smile. A smile that one rarely saw on Harry Potter.

“What’s wrong?” Draco asked. Harry closed the book and placed it on the table next to the sofa.

“You were talking to Severus about me, weren’t you?” Harry asked, his face now contorting in anger.

“Yes.” He admitted.

“Why?” Harry was being very blunt.

“I just don’t understand why you keep things to yourself. You know you can talk to me about anything. You know that we have been through some of the same things. Just open up. Please Harry.” Draco was beginning to plead.

“Look, some things just need to stay in the past, okay?” 

Harry was starting to get very angry. Draco could see it in his eyes, but he knew he had to push on further. Draco got up and opened the desk to pour them both a drink. Even they had both already been drinking that night, they could both hold their own very well. Unfortunately, tonight, Harry wasn’t holding much of anything well. They both quickly downed their drinks, Harry not even looking at Draco, but staring out the window near Draco. Suddenly, Harry left the room, and went into Draco’s bedroom. Not sure what was happening, Draco followed.

Harry stormed into the bedroom, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the dresser. He pulled one out and lit it up, without an incantation or lighter. He blew the smoke out, and plopped onto the bed. He looked away from Draco, at the Muggle Impressionist painting hanging next to the bathroom door. As he finished his cigarette, he unexpectedly went into a rampage.

“I just want to be left alone!” Harry screamed, “Why can’t you understand that?!”

Draco glanced at him, the look on his face showed that he was clearly torn between emotions.

“But why?” Draco softly asked him.

Harry stared him down, his eyes glaring daggers into Draco’s. Suddenly, he tore his gaze away, walking over to the window. He stared out into the darkness. He could see some storms gathering in the distance. There was a bit of lightning before he turned to glace over his shoulder at Draco. 

“Look Draco-“

“Please, look at me. I can’t see your face.”

Harry hesitated. He rolled up his sleeves before finally turned around. He leaned against the wall and motioned for Draco to come over to him. Draco cautiously walked over, not knowing what to expect. When Draco finally reached to opposite side of the window, Harry turned to lean on his side on the window. Draco faced him. Taking a deep breath, Harry started.

“I’m not too proud of my past. In fact, I don’t bloody like it at all,” Harry sighed again before continuing. “It’s not that I did anything wrong. No, it was more of what others did to me. I have these memories. Most of which I want to forget. It’s not that I’m trying to ignore my past. I’m not exactly trying to escape. It’s just….” He trailed off. 

He turned his head away, and put his back against the wall again. He pushed his head back a little roughly. The thud was loud, but Harry didn’t care. He stared at the ceiling for a minute before sliding down to the ground. He stretched out his right leg, and pulled a pack of cigarettes out. He opened it up, and pulled out the lighter then a cigarette. He lit it and offered one to Draco, who gladly took one.   
“It’s just, that I don’t, always… bloody hell this is hard to do.” Draco looked over at Harry, who was staring at the ceiling again. Draco sighed and fought to pat Harry’s arm. Draco knew Harry needed a hug, but he also knew it would be awkward. So instead, he spoke up.

“Harry. Look, it’s not your fault. Sometimes, things just happen for a reason.”

“Things happen for a reason?! Just, that is true, but certain things…. Certain….” Harry paused and shook his head, “Certain memories…. Certain things that happened in the past, I just want to forget. I just want to forget my past. Move on, start over. I need to.”

His voice growing softer until he whispered, “I have to,” more to himself than to Draco. Harry finally looked down at his cigarette and ground it into the stone floor. Finally, he looked over at Draco. He couldn’t help but feel like Draco was the only person that he could be himself around. But he knew that there were still secrets that he had kept from him. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it. Draco saw the glow out of the corner of his eye. 

Draco turned his head, and stared Harry deep in the eyes. Harry attempted to smile but failed terribly. Draco could see it in his eyes, though. He knew Harry really did want to smile, but Draco could also see that Harry was still holding something in. Harry could tell that Draco was searching his eyes, and for once, did not bother hiding it.

'It’s okay Harry. Go ahead.’ Draco thought, silently willing Harry to open up. Harry sighed again, and finished up his cigarette. He wanted to glace at the ceiling again, but ultimately decided to keep looking at Draco.

"I won't judge you." Draco whispered.

Harry slowly reached for his wand, and muttered an incantation. Then, he produced a globe of light, similar to the glow of a few candles. He turned more towards Draco and held out his right arm. Draco could see a few scars, but not much. The Harry held out his left arm. Draco could see a clutter of scars, though most were very faded. A few particular ones stood out though. Draco looked up at Harry, silently asking permission to touch him. Harry just looked down at his arms. Draco drew a lithe finger over Harry’s left inner arm, over all of the scars, and then, over the biggest one. He gently wrapped his hand around Harry’s wrist while lift his other hand to touch Harry’s face.

“But why?” Draco simply asked.

Harry kept looking at his arm where Draco was holding him. He felt the hand on his face tighten a bit, and he looked up.

“I just wanted to feel. I never wanted to kill myself. Gods no! I just…. I barely felt like I had any feeling left in me. But when I cut, I could feel.” Harry explained.

“I’m above it now, though. No one really made me stop. But, I could finally feel emotions. When we became friends, over the summer, I stopped. I didn’t feel the need anymore.” He continued, “But lately, I’ve been feeling depressed. I’m having nightmares about…. Certain things again.” Draco tightened his grip on Harry just a bit. Harry couldn’t help but chuckle.

“No. No, I don’t mean I want to hurt myself anymore. Sometimes, I just like to look at my scars. Each one has a story. I just think a lot. But nothing bad anymore. I just like to think. That’s all. I just wish that we had been friends a lot earlier. Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt myself then.” He finished.

He let his arms go limp. But Draco still kept hold. He knew that their friendship meant a lot to Harry, but not this much. Draco was just now realizing how much their friendship meant to the raven-haired boy. Draco decided that he would let his mask drop. Harry deserved that much from him. He pushed his hand upward to get Harry to look at him again.

“Thank you, Harry. No one has ever trusted me like this. And I want you to know, that I trust you too.” And then, Draco smiled.

After a moment, Harry was finally about to smile back. Though it didn’t reach his eyes, Draco knew there was promise. He finally let his hands drop, and he pushed himself up off the ground. He held out a hand to Harry, who gratefully took it.

Since it was well past curfew, Harry assumed that he would be staying in Draco’s rooms. It wasn’t the first time that they had had a conversation that lasted late into the night. As Harry went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, Draco poured them both glasses of Firewhiskey. As Harry came out of the bathroom, Draco handed him the glass and they both quickly downed their drinks. Placing the glasses on the dresser, they climbed into bed on their respectable sides and said good night to each other. But before they drifted off to sleep (aided by the potions, of course), Harry had one last thing to say.

“Thank YOU, Draco. You’re a great friend.”

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